We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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