I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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