I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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