$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
