People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's always time for handjobs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
