i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
