I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cockslap morals
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize