I looked at my own cervix.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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