The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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