yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
