i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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