im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
