I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
