Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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