grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
