Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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