I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
