FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
