I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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