Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Jerry, you need to find god
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize