Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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