There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
