Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
