even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
