I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
