I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
