Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
