bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
