you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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