I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
