I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
