Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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