Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize