i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
