Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
