i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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