he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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