How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm like, not good at living.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize