new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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