Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
