yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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