I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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