dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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