I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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