saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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