3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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