I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
