Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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