Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
