You're completely useless in the revolution.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you never un-have a 4some
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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