If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
ok first of all what the fuck
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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