In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
