I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
birth control should be required to get into college
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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