I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
