he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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