Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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