love makes seman taste better
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
