I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
