All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
