I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
