My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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