She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
