I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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