You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
